Making the decision to see a therapist
For years I thought therapy was a sign of weakness. Strong people should be able to sort their shit out - man up and get on with things.
It was only when I reached rock bottom and the suicidal ideation started that I thought “maybe I should go and see someone”. I’d had a few sessions with a CBT specialist (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) when I was in my 20s, but this time was different. I wasn’t going to put a plaster over a wound, I was going to sort some deep and lingering issues for good. I became aware this was going to require some proper time and effort and I decided to commit.
Due to my less than opulent financial situation, I looked at therapy as an expensive investment. 1800 ZAR (80 GBP) for a session?? That’s 3 nights out in Cape Town. But what could be a better ROI than a better life?
Deciding which therapist
After taking the decision to get therapy, the next step was to find one. First decision was what kind of therapy? There is a shit ton of different therapies out there, ranging from CBT and EMDR (sooo many acronyms in this world) to woo woo hippy dippy spiritual stuff. I didn’t really know what would be best for me, so I went for a general psychologist to start the journey.
I’ve made some bad decisions in my life with regards to partners (personal and business), and so I wanted to ensure I found the right therapist. But how the hell do you go about this? A wise friend advised me I should give 4-6 sessions to determine if they’re a good fit. What I found is once you’ve gone to 6 sessions, the time and knowledge commitment I’d already given meant I didn’t want to start again with a different therapist, even if I wanted to. So choose your therapist wisely. Ask friends you trust, read reviews and see if you can have a call with them before your first session.
I debated for a while whether to get a male or female therapist, old or young. Would it make a difference? The honest answer is I don’t know. I ended up going with a young female therapist (I know what you’re thinking, and no that wasn’t why), based on the fact that her website/profile resonated with me. I also find I open up a little easier to females than males, so thought this would be beneficial.
The question then came up of virtual vs in-person. The reality is virtual sessions are much cheaper, but for me in-person was the only way. In virtual sessions I would get distracted and there’s also so much communication between your therapist and you which is non-verbal. Driving to my in-person sessions also meant I got into a specific frame of mind for each session, similar to working from an office or training at the gym.
Getting started
The first few sessions felt like me just telling my story, and to be honest I came away thinking it was all bollocks. Why was she not giving me the answers I needed?? But I’d made a commitment to myself, so I persevered.
Ask any of my friends - when I get going, I can talk to a brick wall. So for me I didn’t have a problem telling my therapist my life story. I also believe myself to be fairly self aware, which meant I had a rough idea of some of my problems early on, and felt like this resulted in me getting deeper earlier on (efficiencies on my investment 😂).
It was only after 4 or 5 sessions where I started to see clearly not only the value, but the process. She wasn’t here to provide the answers. She was here to be a mirror, and ask the right questions for me to discover my own answers. I burst into tears in my 5th session when talking about my childhood, and at this point I thought “Shit, this is gonna get expensive”. But investing in myself is the best investment you can make.
Making some progress
Therapy slowly started becoming something I looked forward to. It became a safe space where I could be brutally honest with someone without judgement or prior knowledge of me. It helped me to compartmentalize issues in my life for unpacking later. After a breakup I’d say to myself “don’t worry about it now, we can unpack it in therapy on Thursday”. Before every session I would spend some time observing how I’ve been recently, and come up with specific things I wanted to discuss in each session. Things which were bothering me. Things which were keeping me up at night.
The start of my therapy journey coincided with the start of my spiritual journey (this is the closest description I can think of). Whilst I don’t believe in woo woo nonsense, things like breathwork, sound journeys, yoga, journalling and nature walks have been indescribably positive in my journey of self discovery. All of the above have helped me dig deeper to observe what’s really happening in the fucked up world of inner Simon.
In summary
The only negative thing I will say about therapy is my bank balance is going to hate it. I’ve discovered so much about myself and evolved so much as a person, that I think I’ll be doing it for a looooong time. Fuck.
